Sometimes my family goes out to eat. My mom usually mandates that it has to be outside, and it needs to be near a body of water. Disregard the taste of the food. It's all about setting. I have been to many restaurants with "water" in their names. There aren't many places that have a waterfront view in the middle of winter in Syracuse,so my family and I had to settle on going to a nice sit down restaurant called Dominicks'. I was about seven years old, and I remember being pretty angry that they didn't have a hotdog and fries on the kids' menu.
I don't even think they had kids' menu. I was used to going to Applebees with my grandmother. We'd sit in the smoking section, and I'd ingest fumes while digesting my cornucopia of meats. I'd of course have to wash all of this down with root beer. I always had to get root beer because it came in a bottle, and I thought I was a badass. Grey wisps of smoke were floating through the air, and I was sucking down my beverage. All I needed was a black leather jacket and a tattoo that said "Badass granddaughter."
Unfortunately at Dominicks', I had to make sure I kept my legs closed. When wearing a skirt and panty hose, you've really got to stay respectable. As a 20 year old, I realize that I'll never be respectable. That's why I always wear rompers. It's the type of dressy attire that protects you from pedophiles trying to look up you pants. Rompers flow enough that make you feel women-like. They also require you take off all of your clothing when using the bathroom. I try to avoid drinking fluids while wearing a romper. Taking my clothes off is just too much effort.
The last time my family and I had gone out to dinner, we had gone to The Ground Round. It was a delightful evening until a hanging plant fell onto my sister’s head. The restaurant gave her free tickets to Discovery Zone (DZ). DZ was full of arcade games and obstacle courses. It was every child’s dream. She gladly took the tickets to DZ, but she never again went to The Ground Round. The Ground Round closed anyways. Too many hanging plants fell onto their patrons. It was ironic that the best dessert at The Ground Round was the dirt and worms.
I remember my mom saying that we could have dessert after our meal at Dominicks’. I forced down whatever fancy entrée was on my plate so I could get to dessert. I ate so fast that I couldn’t fit any luscious velvet cake into my stomach. Nor could the rest of my family. It was fate that day that we all were too full for dessert. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be sitting here in the kitchen typing this story. I’d be in some other kitchen somewhere else. My house could have burned down if the waitress at Dominicks’ had offered us free dessert. If it’s free, I just go for it.
We pulled into the driveway after our night out. My dad placed his hand on the gold doorknob in the garage. He said that it felt warm. He stated it in the way that you would say that the sky is blue. His statement didn’t faze me. My father opened up the door, and we saw that out usual peaceful fire was not contained to the fireplace. It was starting to rage across out new hardwood floor.
My parents sprinted to the fire extinguisher. They then realized that they didn’t know how to use the fire extinguisher. I was only ever taught how to extinguish fire when it was on my body. Stop, drop, and roll will be forever ingrained into my brain.
The culprits of the fire were the gloves and hats sitting too close to the fireplace. I shouldn’t have gone outside to play that day. Way too much snow had gone down my pants anyway. I wish I had just stayed inside and played with my Barbies and my Barbie boat in the hot tub. Then this fire would have never happened!
My sister and I naturally freaked out when we saw the fire. We sprinted next door to my neighbor’s house and left my parents to beat out the fire with towels. My brother was pretty useless too. He asked if he could go and play on the computer. I’m not even sure how my parents responded from this question. He didn’t help. He didn’t flee. He just wanted to play some Animorph type computer game during a fire. I knew from that night on that my brother would never grow up to be firefighter.
My mother and father successfully beat out the fire, but a giant burn mark was left on our hardwood floor. After my neighbor’s hamster calmed me down, I returned home with my sister. I realize that we always flee when we get scared. One time my brother got kneed in the eye, and he looked like a mutant. My sister and I ran to my other neighbor’s house. The neighbor told us that he wouldn’t look like an alien forever. My sister refused to eat dinner with him in the same room for a week straight. My brother and I went to summer camp the week he had his eye hit too. I cried at camp because someone threw a pair of underwear at me. Kids didn’t know if my brother was human. That camp was just not a good fit for us. We decided that staying at home and playing Street of Rage 3 on Sega Genesis was a better use of our summer time.
I’m still pretty paranoid around fire. If I need to dry something by the fire, I usually put it at least 25 feet away. I don’t want my house to ever burn down (Knock on wood). I’d rather an item stay wet than catch on a fire. I’d rather skip the brownie a la mode than see a floor burn away. I still run when I get scared. But if I ever get a black eye, I wouldn’t think of myself as a mutant. I’d finally be a badass.
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